Joshua Gizelt (swashbuckler332) wrote,
Joshua Gizelt

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The Shadow of the Past

This weekend's festivities has led me once again to question what, exactly, it is that I can't stand about the concept of dancing. I just won't do it, and I have never had any idea why. This has been a bone of contention within my family for a while, and it wasn't until a freak combination of two words that a clue has been given me as to why I find it so abhorrent. Those words were "Dance Festival." The effect of them was that a scab was scratched off and there was a flood of memories, the net effect of which was a major puzzle piece being put in place.

The Dance Festival was a yearly event at my grade school ("We are many/We are one" all over again) in which each grade would perform a dance for a crowd of adoring parents. It was perhaps the first all-out rebellion that I ever staged. After first grade, which was my first experience with it, I hated this event, partly because of how Nazi-esque the teachers were about it, but mostly because I felt that I was being put on display. The analogy I drew at the time was that I felt like one of those ridiculous toy poodles with a peron's sweater on. I raised such a stink about it that eventually the staff stopped making me perform and allowed me to work in the booth.

I haven't thought about the Dance Festival in something like nineteen years. It's not something that was so much suppressed as simply avoided. As with so many topics my experience with has been negative or just simply dull (like Hebrew), once I was done with it, I was done with it. Or so I thought.

I have never been able to bring myself to dance since, though, and so it seems that the staff at the North Hills School had drummed it out of me. When the idea of me dancing is brought up, I am just filled with such hostility that I often become surly in my obstinance. I never really understood why because I certainly don't have anything against dancers (my grandparents are ballroom dancers, after all). I still don't know how I got from point A to B, but at least I have a certain amount of perspective on it all now.
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