Joshua Gizelt (swashbuckler332) wrote,
Joshua Gizelt

  • Mood:
  • Music:



• If there is one flaw to this laptop, it is that the "home" and "backspace" keys are too close together. I find it strange that I can type an entire paragraph with no mistakes, but when it comes to deleting a letter I always end up at the front of the line. • Even more than how they eat and breathe and other science facts, I am wondering why neither Joel nor Mike (both of whom clearly had service jobs) never filed a grievance for having been shot into space and forced to watch those movies. I guarantee that they would have gotten a sweet deal if they had. • Kaboom truly is the bomb when it comes to cleaning your bathroom, although I can't get over the fact that it smells dirtier than what I'm cleaning. • Yesterday was the first Shark install I ever did, and I take a certain amount of pride in the fact that I turned it up so easily. Usually they don't go for whatever reason. • As I was leaving the job site, one of the guys there told me that he just got a message that Axl Rose died. He went on to Google to confirm it, only to find that it was just his friend screwing with him. He had us going, though. • My mother is whosamama. This should be interesting. •

The Empire Fucks Up

Myself and my former steward Joe would often get into voicemail wars on our company beepers. We would leave each other horribly insulting (but funny) messages (Sample: Joe left a message that stated, "Hello Mr. Gizelt, this is Dr. Smith at the clinic. We have figured out what your problem is, you are half wildebeast, half man"). This would go back and forth over the course of a day.

At one point a few years ago, the company, in a rare show of intelligence, decided that relying upon their records for spare undergrounds in lower Manhattan where the copper was old and shitty was probably not the best idea in the world. They therefore figured that it made more sense to send one of the construction guys down to verify the underground was good and pick a new one if it wasn't before a special services tech came out. I was loaned down there for two weeks to show the construction crew down there how to use a T-Berd (that's our T-1 testing device, we can use it to stress copper as well). So I wasn't hanging with my usual crew. During most of the second week, Joe and I were at it with one another.

So, after a short lull on Friday, I figured I'd take it one step further. I'd been downtown for two weeks, so I knew a bunch of guys that Joe had never met. I called up Charlie and Richie to confirm what kind of a car Joe drove. I then had two people that Joe didn't know leave him messages. One was a slightly frantic message from an older man, claiming to be a John Mason, who was apologetic that he had hit Joe's car (uh, kind of hard) and was hoping to get in touch with him before the insurance companies got involved, the other was from a cop who was at the scene.

I didn't hear anything from Joe that whole day.

That evening, we all met up. I came down to the hole and I saw Joe there. He was sheet white. Then he looked at me, and realized what had happened. It looked like he just took a shit after having been constipated for two years. Apparently, he was terrified, trying to find out what was going on with his car. I asked him how come he didn't figure out that I was responsible for them, and he told me that he gives his beeper number out as an emergency contact, plus he had parked his car in a place he usually doesn't park his car in...


There were no more beeper wars after that.
Tags: stories, work
  • Post a new comment


    Comments allowed for friends only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded