Joshua Gizelt (swashbuckler332) wrote,
Joshua Gizelt

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The Indiana Jones DVD Collection

Despite conflicting news to the contrary, a source has confirmed that the box set released tomorrow will contain the following alterations to these classic adventure films...

Raiders of the Lost Ark

The title card for "Raiders of the Lost Ark" will be replaced with one calling the film "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark."

All guns held by the Nazis have been replaced by Walkie-Talkies.

The Cairo Swordsman shoots first.

The haunting visual effects seen during the opening of the Ark have been replaced with cartoonish digital effects.

There will be a trancendental sequence by Douglas Trumbull in which we go inside the Ark.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Wu Han doesn't die... he's only resting.

All guns held by Lao Che's men have been replaced with Walkie-Talkies.

The banquet at Pankot Palace has been digitally altered to eliminate the nasty food.

Mola Ram no longer rips out the sacrifice victim's living heart. Now he's just seen holding a boiled chicken in front of him.

The slave children have been replaced by digital muppets.

There will be a trancendental sequence by Douglas Trumbull in which we go inside the Sankara stone.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The two Nazis that burst in on Indy and Henry that Indy kills now shoot first.

The tank has been replaced by a hummer.

There will be a trancendental sequence by Douglas Trumbull in which we go inside the grail.

When asked why he would approve such changes to the films that seemed well enough without them, Spielberg and Lucas shrugged. "Who cares? We know you'll buy the DVDs anyway. We're going to release alternate versions of these films every five or ten years, each time making a big deal out of how much better the presentation is."

Lucas added, "Eventually, there will be no trace of the original film exposed. I can't wait."


A brief conversation with a friend of mine yesterday rekindled my interest in finding this, which I wrote and posted to a message board a few months ago. Interestingly enough, I scoured Film Score Monthly and Movie Music.Com, the two message boards I usually post to, and couldn't find it. Apparently, after I posted this, somebody must have gone nuts with a flame war or something, because the thread was deleted.

Finally, I gave up and typed a key phrase into the google search engine and found it on an unrelated foreign site and it came up.
Tags: cinema
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