I have found myself oscillating between deep depression and fury over this. I am angry at him because he at first seemed to want to communicate to try to work our issues out, but then he just wanted to let time take its course.
Brad had always been there for me. For him to be doing this is quite a shattering experience. Lately, however, it is becoming more and more apparent that his already low energy level has abated, and where formerly he would go the path of least resistance, he now only travel along a path of no resistance.
Life doesn't work like that, of course, and it has seen him exiled to remote rural areas with no prospects. When his parents die, he and his brother will have no skills or careers. He has even turned off of several paths, always when they provide him with an obstacle. I don't know if he thinks that one day someone will show up and hand him a salary for just being him or something, but it is depressing to see a friend deteriorate so far.
I made it too difficult for him to be my friend by telling him that I need to know where I stand. He told me to fuck off.
I know what is behind all this, and the ultimate irony is that he is systematically alienating all of the people that care about him in favor of someone who is playing him for a fool.
One day when he realizes he is a cuckold who has wasted his friends and prospects on someone who doesn't really want to be with him will be a major day for Brad, but there will be nobody there for him. Certainly not me. Not anymore.
On my way home, I pulled out my new mp3 CD of Danny Elfman film scores, burned last night after hearing the music from Hulk, which I found quite diverting. I wanted to listen to something dark and angry as befitting my mood. The splashy Back To School ended up being first on the disc because it was first alphabetically, and that's what came up, to my surprise, when I pressed "Play" on the iRiver. I heard those crashing cymbals, blaring tubas, tinkling pianos and cynical woodwinds and felt much, much better.
Thank you, Danny.
Here is a recent New Yorker article about the relationship between The Lord of the Rings and Der Ring des Nibelung. It's pretty interesting.
Here is some information about the special edition of the ROTK album with the DVD in it.
In order to keep this entry from being too maudlin, here is a totally gratuitous picture of a pair of boobs:
Much better. I am reminded of Eugene Jerome's lament in Brighton Beach Memoirs about how much he would give to be looking at a naked woman while eating ice cream...
To lighten my spirits...
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
Born with the name of Otto, you became Ludwig at the request of your grandfather, King Ludwig I, because you were born on his birthday. You became Crown Prince at the tender age of 3, and soon after stole a purse from a shop on the basis that everything in Bavaria belonged to you. Tragedy struck when your pet tortoise was taken away; relatives thought the six-year-old prince was too attached to it. Your childhood was lonely and formal. Once, you were prevented from beheading your younger brother by the timeous arrival of a court official. From the age of 14 you suffered from hallucinations.
Despite striking an imposing figure with your great height and good looks, your speeches were pompous to the point of incomprehensibility. You became even more of a recluse, often spending hours reading poetry in a seashell-shaped boat in your electrically-illuminated underground grotto.
You are most famous for building three fairytale castles - Linderhof, Neuschwanstein and Herrenchiemsee - at tremendous public expense. Declared insane and confined to your bedroom by concerned (and embarrassed) subjects, you escaped on 13 June 1886, but were later found drowned with your physician in Lake Stamberg in mysterious circumstances.
Congratulations! You're Merry!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Okay, this is unexpected, but I guess it kind of works. Merry is kewl.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
Consider that a divorce! You're...
Arnold Schwarzenegger!Maker of mediocre action pics and son of an actual Nazi, you're perhaps an insane joke on God's part. Why should you survive while others perish? Is it your hair, your brains or that manly gap in your teeth? Is it because you're going to lead California to a new tomorrow? Is it because you've paid someone enough money so that radiation doesn't harm you? Are you a real cyborg?
Arnold is the new Jesus. Stat.
Are you damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
You can laugh at the silly superstitions of the religious, safe in the knowledge that we are only dust and lies. All that will be left of you after you die is a slow decay and some fading memories in the minds of your friends. Hope you're enjoying your life at the moment- there's nothing better to come.