Joshua Gizelt (swashbuckler332) wrote,
Joshua Gizelt
swashbuckler332

Humorous Interlude



Prosecutor

Are you Captain Lincoln Sternn?

Sternn

I am.

Prosecutor

Lincoln Sternn, you stand accused of 12 counts of murder, 14 counts of armed theft of Federation property, 12 counts of piracy, 6 counts of fraud, 4 counts of rape, and one moving violation.

How do you plead?


Sternn

Not guilty.

Sternn's Lawyer

Not guilty? Are you nuts?

Sternn

It's okay. I've got an angle.

Judge

Call the first witness!

Sternn's Lawyer

He's got you cold! You're as guilty as a cat in a goldfish bowl.

Prosecutor

The prosecution calls Hanover Fiste!

Sternn's Lawyer

Change the plea to guilty. Throw yourself on the court's mercy.

Sternn

I told you, I've got an angle.

Sternn's Lawyer

We can only hope to bury you in secrecy so your grave isn't violated. Plead guilty!

Sternn

Shut up. I've got an angle.

Sternn's Lawyer

What angle?!

Sternn
(motions towards Fiste)

Him.

Prosecutor

State your name for the record.

Hanover Fiste

I am Hanover Fiste.

Prosecutor

Do you know the defendant?

Sternn

Yes, I know Captain Sternn. He is most kind and generous.

Sternn
(whispering to his lawyer)

I promised him 500 zulaks to testify on my behalf.

Hanover Fiste

He is a cup overflowing with the cream of human goodness. I have never known him to do anything immoral.

Sternn

See?

Hanover Fiste
(suddenly angry)

Unless maybe the Preschooler's Prostitute Ring.
(normal again)

And he has never done anything illegal.
(angry once more)

Unless you count all the times he sold dope disguised as a nun.
(normal voice)

He has always been a good, law-abiding citizen ...
(suddenly breaking completely)

Aw, gimme a break!
(normal)

... of the Federation ...
(angry)

Shut up! Shut up!
normal

A community-conscious individual.
(angry)

Sternn?! He is just a low-down, double-dealing, backstabbing, larcenous, perverted worm!

Hanging's too good for him!

Burning's too good for him!

He should be torn into little pieces and buried alive!


I haven't watched Heavy Metal in years. To be frank, I can't stomach it anymore. But the score is real good and there are some moments like this one that are still hilarious.
Tags: movie moments
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