Joshua Gizelt (swashbuckler332) wrote,
Joshua Gizelt


I came home this evening and recieved a mailing from Philip Morris.
You're on the list.

You recently signed up to recieve mailings and special offers from Philip Morris USA brands such as Marlboro, Parliament, Basic or Virginia Slims. Participation is limited to smokers 21 years of age or older.

First off, I most certainly did not sign up to recieve jack from Philip Morris USA... I hate junk mail with a fiery passion and do everything in my power to keep it away from me. In general I'm pretty successful at this, and the only things I usually recieve in the mail are bills, parcels and, on occasion, Christmas cards.* Every once and a while some kind of junk mail squeezes through, and I always call the number to cancel the mailings.

This, however, was particularly annoying because in addition to them claiming that I did something I didn't, they are also calling me a smoker.

Now, I was a smoker. I smoked for ten years. Heavily. I was the type of smoker who lit my cigarette with the last cigarette, especially whilst filmmaking. I quit four and a half years ago, and now that I don't smoke, I no longer consider myself a smoker. Quitting smoking was hard. Real hard. And I'm sorry, this felt like it was trivializing that accomplishment.

When I called up to take myself off of the "Adult Smoker Mailing List" (which, incidentally, implies that they probably have other such catalogs as "Juvenile Smoker Mailing List" and "Toddler Smoking Mailing List"), I ended up speaking to one of those standard Middle America Stepford drones who was just too damn polite about everything. I think that the assumption is that if they're really nice to you that you'll find it difficult to chew their asses out. This is, of course, ostensibly true, but the faux friendliness only fuels the flame of anger. So rather than taking out my frustrations on the poor girl, I instead told her how proud I was of myself for having quit smoking, especially after the tragic, horribly cancerous deaths of several of my relatives. This was, of course, complete fiction, but it shattered that smug solicitous façade in an extremely satisfying manner.

Oh, and they're taking me off their mailing list.

* I recieved a few Christmas cards this year. I was not expecting these, as I have never gotten Christmas cards before. I want everybody who sent one to me to know that the reason why I haven't sent any of my own out is because I've never recieved any before. They were rather nice to get, however, so I've decided that I shall do the whole Christmas card thing next year(albeit a more appropriately non-religious in nature). I'll even draw them myself.
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