Former LJer waystone is currently interviewing in Iowa. The student picking her up at the airport's name? Jim Kirk. I'm not joking here. She's being met in Iowa by Jim Kirk. I'm really trying my hardest to figure this one out... I mean... is he a native Iowan with evil parents? Is he just a dork who had the gall to call himself that when he moved to Iowa? Is it just a complete coincidence that has haunted him ever since he moved there? Well, whatever the reason, there is actually a Jim Kirk in Iowa. Which means that there also also might be a Sherry Jackson android in a William Ware Theiss outfit somewhere in the universe too. I find this a most comforting thought.
Hopefully she'll be able to fill me in. Inquiring minds want to know. I want to know.
1. Have you ever hit another vehicle with your vehicle?
Yes indeed. But you should see the other truck.
2. Would/have you ever gone to a nude beach?
I've been to South Beach, which allows topless sunbathing. There were some topless women around. It really wasn't that big a deal.
3. Have you ever punched someone in the face as hard as you could?
4. Would you have sex with the last person you had it with?
5. Do you like to kiss during sex, or is that a no-no?
6. If you are having sex, and you know someone is around, do you keep it quiet, or proceed as normal?
Um... you can keep it quiet? Are you sure you're doing it properly?
7. Moan, yell, scream, curse, stay silent during sex, which do you do?
Whatever happens to be the most appropriate.
8. Do you bite or scratch during sex?
9. Have you ever visited an adult store?
10. If so, did you buy anything?
Not from the adult store... but I did buy something from the adjoining head shop.
11. Have you ever had sex with someone of the SAME sex?
12. If so, how far did it go?
Well, it didn't.
13. Where did 13 go?
14. Enough about sex, tell me a secret!
I threw my Blackberry.
15. Tell us about a recent crime you commited?
Well, I lost my temper and I took a knife and I uh-. Do you know those "Do Not Remove Under the Penalty of Law" labels they put on mattresses? Well I CUT one of them off! Yeah, I have a real bad temper.
16. Have you ever used drugs?
I went to college.
17. Do you use them now?
Why? Do I look stoned or something?
18. Okay back to sex, tell us all the places you have done it?
I haven't had enough sex to really make much of a list. And I have no idea where I was some of the times... it's a long story, and Brooklyn figures into it somehow.
19. Have you ever lied to the law?
As a matter of fact, I am wracking my brains, and can not for the life of me think of one time when I lied to a police officer. I really don't think I ever have had to. If I was doing something I shouldn't, they didn't notice at the time.
20. Ever do a hit and run?
No, but it's been seriously tempting at times.
21. Have you ever damaged someones property on purpose?
Nobody is a saint.
22. How many pornos do you own?
Why none at all. No, there's nothing to see on my laptop hard drive.
23. What is your opinion of Britney Spears?
I have to admit that I find her vastly amusing as long as I don't actually have to hear her voice.
24. What is your opinion of people that are frisky in public?
I find it annoying when other people do it, but then again, I was once kicked out of a bar for... I really don't know why we were kicked out.
25. Would you do a porno for $100,000?
You want to pay me $100,000 to shoot a porno for you? Sure!
26. Have you ever caught your parents doing it?
I've heard them.
27. Have you ever lied to get someone in bed?
28. Rate your sexual performance, 1-10.
I have no idea. And I wouldn't trust the statements of those who would know either.
29. Do you goof off at work?
What are you supposed to do at work?
30. Do you break the dress code at your job?
I'm supposed to wear long pants and steel-toe boots. I wear the long pants in the winter, but forget about the steel-toe boots. I walk to jobs. No fucking way.
31. Do you steal from your job?
I do have a few extension cords that I got from the locker. But I'm only borrowing them, see?
32. Have you ever been fired? For what?
Of course I've been fired. My freshman year of college, I got fired from a K-Mart because I wrote on the wall in the stock room. There were plenty of people tagging up the walls, but I got caught because I was writing philosophy quotes and they knew nobody else had the
When you get a little older, I'll tell you about how I got fired from Tower Records.
33. Are you a good cook?
Not in the traditional sense of the term... but I am good improvising.
34. What is your heritage?
Russian Jew, German Jew, Italian Jew, Italian. You can tell; my cynicism stems from Russia, my complexion from Germany and my palette from Italy.
35. What is your stance on illegal immigration?
As a nation, we once prided ourselves on our immigrants.
Give me your tired, your poor,36. Do you believe the US government secretly carried out 9/11?
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!- Emma Lazarus
The New Colossus
Engraved upon the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty
No. Though I do think that they were negligent and should have paid more attention to the intelligence in the first place. It's not like they shouldn't have seen it coming.
37. Do you think the war will ever end?
There is always another war. It is a way that tribal primates deal with overpopulation.
38. Are you against total nuking of the middle east, even if innocent people would die?
I'm against any nuking anywhere, actually. Especially if innocent people would die.
39. How about we all elect Chuck Norris as president?
You've been watching too many bad 80s action movies. Do you want Michael Dudikoff for Veep?
40. What are you going to do now?
Eat something and go to bed.
Tomorrow I see Blade Runner on the big screen!!!
See, "Obsession" was the title of a Star Trek episode as well as the Calvin Klein fragrance... oh, never mind. It's freakin' hysterical and you just don't get it. I can't help you.