Joshua Gizelt (swashbuckler332) wrote,
Joshua Gizelt

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A Modest Proposal

At this point, it is quite clear that baseball has lost its way. It is no longer a pastime for the people as the cost of going to a game with your family is insanely expensive. Overpaid players are busted cheating at a children's game. People take the Human Growth Hormone to be able to come even close to the accomplishments of someone like Babe Ruth, a fat bastard who smoked cigars, drank beer and ate hot dogs before each game.

On the other hand, the city has invested several hundred million dollars into the construction of two new stadiums, the new Yankee stadium and Citi Stadium. It would be a shame to have wasted all of that money. I therefore propose that Major League Baseball be suspended and that these two stadiums be converted into Thunderdomes, where former baseball players, now with unlimited access to whatever steroids they care to take, face each other in pitched battle with only one rule: two men enter, one man leaves.

Consider some of the possible pairings:

Mark McGwire vs. José Canseco

Bill "Mad Dog" Matlock
vs. Oral "The Pit Bill" Herschiser

Roger Clemens
vs. Mike Piazza

Lenny "Nails" Dykstra
vs. Cleon "The Hammer" Jones

Pete Rose
vs. Bud Harrelson

Al "The Mad Hungarian" Hraboski
vs. Mark "The Bird" Frydrich

Darryl Strawberry
vs. Keith Hernandez

Dwight "Doc" Gooden
vs. Josh "Doc" Gibson

I think that this is the best way to handle the current situation. If you have any suggestions for possible pairings, comment below.

Special thanks to Charlie and Dre.
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