Joshua Gizelt (swashbuckler332) wrote,
Joshua Gizelt

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Mummies, tracks and eyes...

Hail To The King, Baby

Ash is back!!!

No, wait... he isn't!

Bubba Ho-Tep is one of the strangest movies that you will ever see. A "twenty-five words or less" description makes it sound like the cheesiest thing ever, but actually watching the film reveals a work of great truth, despite how silly it is.

Bruce Campbell plays Elvis Presley... the real one. He switched places with Elvis impersonator Sebastian Paul several years before his "death" (it was the Elvis impersonator who had the cheesecake problem) and is now in a nursing home with a possibly cancerous growth on his dork (this is not shown, thankfully). He teams up with a crazy old conspiracy theorist who thinks he's John F. Kennedy, played by Ossie Davis (yes, I said Ossie Davis) to defeat an evil mummy sucking souls out of asses of the nursing home patients.

See what I mean? Doesn't that sound totally retarded?

But then you watch it. Most of the movie is not really about this central conflict, although that is where most of laughs come from... no, what this film is about mostly is how the aged become useless to the rest of society. One of the more disturbing scenes involves a dead patient's daughter collecting his effects, and Elvis' reaction to the fact that she was throwing out her father's purple heart.

There are quite a few relevant reflections to be found in this film, and it is inspirational in the weirdest way.

The King and J.F.K. ready for action.

Director Don Coscarelli (Phantasm, The Beastmaster) gets quite a lot of mileage out of the performances. Campbell's King is really awesome, and Davis is always fun to watch. Kudos must also go to Brian Tyler's rockabilly version of his Children of Dune score, which emphasizes the characterization over the action (I'm serious).

I did not sample any of the extras on the DVD I rented because I intend to purchase it, but Suit has been raving about the Elvis commentary track.

Psychic Test

You are moderately psychic.

You really are quite psychic, so it's worth taking the time to investigate those aspects of the paranormal that interest you. Consider purchasing a dream interpretation book, a beginner's set of tarot cards, or the latest astrology book to see which tools best suite your personality.

I see. Do you have any idea how much I hate astrology?

More Gym

When I got to class today, I found that the treadwalks had been activated. I went immediately to check them out. Exercize equipment may be alien to me, but this was an electronic gadget, so I had a bead on this one.

I also made great time on the track.

Tim says that my track ability comes from the fact that I used to walk everywhere before I got a car, which I didn't get until I was about 25 or so, so I developed cardiovascular stamina that other people haven't had the chance to.

The other reason I did so well on the track was because near the starting line there is a soccer practice field, upon which there was this very attractive girl playing soccer. She was wearing a very tight tank top. Much of the reason that I was motivated to get back to the starting line was to get closer to her b-b-b-beautiful b-b-b-bouncing b-b-b-breastuseses...

Not quite...

Eye Spy

My grandfather just got his eye operated on. The operation was a success and there were no complications. He's doing fine, and his eyesight will be much, much better once it's done healing.

Unfortunately, my grandmother is preventing me from calling up everybody we know and informing them that he is bleeding profusely and that all future holiday dinners will be ruined.

Tags: cinema, memes
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