Doug and Bob are metropolitan policemen with a difference. Doug likes nothing more than slipping into little cocktail frocks, while Bob bouffants his hair for a night on duty. Still, as they aren't actually in this film, we won't give you their last names.
Pucky Reginald Vas Deferens is a nuclear scientist in love with mafia boss Enrico Marx, who is himself married to Conchito Macbeth, a lively belly-dancer at the Belgian disco whose manager, Burly Ivan Crapp, has a naked daughter Janice engaged to J.J. Spinman, New York private detective, employed by elegant Laura Herron to trace the missing million-pound bidet that Hitler gave to Eva Brown as a bar mitzvah present during a state visit to Crufts, and which remained hidden until a World Cup referee, Horse Jenkenson, was found hanged in a New Jersey tenement with the plans of a Russian secret weapon partially tatooed on his elbow.
In Brisbon, the Brain brothers, Nicky and Vance, torture a Mayfair psychologist, who reveals to Dora Brain in a tender and emotional death scene that his hair is not his own.
Meanwhile, the Kent Touring Eleven have trapped husky Matilda Tritt on a sticky near Hastings, and she reveals all before enforcing the follow army. Peter Niesewand and Cyril Garfunkel arrive just in time with the Welsh Police, and the Harry Orchestra, and proceed to sing a love song which allows Dr. Indira McNorton just enough time to cross the Alps into Geneva, where he meets Kon Rapp, a kung fu fanatic and cat lover, who frivilously shoots him, but not before introducing him to lively intelligent Norweigan widow Lanny Krimt, who shows him her inner thighs, where he finds the address of a good French restaurant, and unexpectedly meets Gabriello Machismo, an ex-Korean plastic surgeon whose frankly blond assistant Sally Lesbitt is now the half-brother of a distant cousin of Ray Vorn Ding-ding-a-dong, the Eurovision song, and owner of the million-pound bidet given by Hitler to Eva Brown as a bar mitzvah present during a state visit to Crufts, and which remained hidden, etc. etc. etc.
This they now do.
Meanwhile, Harold and Victor Medway III discover a newfound love for each other in an flashback near Devon, where they meet up with Doug and Bob, the metropolitan policemen who suprisingly turn out to be in this film after all, who kill everyone, and live happily ever after.
Although I was unable to get they guy who was going to look at The Zen Room for me, I have found that AAA will tow the car anywhere I want within 100 miles. On Tim's recommendation, I went to their website and got the numbers of several local AAA service stations, which I called to find out which ones would have the space and time to look at the car tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow I will go to the service station the car is at the moment, pay them off for the tow and storage* and get the car towed to one of these three places that can accept it. I have to choose which station to take it to, but I located them via proximity to Suit's home, so when he comes home I can ask him which places are the most convenient to get to.
The only issue that I have is that the station where I had the best vibe from the guy whom I spoke to from is one where he straight up told me that while he had the space for the car, he might not be able to look at it until Thursday. So now it is time versus instinct.
If the car can not be repaired, or it would be too expensive, there is also a possibility that the service station might have a clunker to unload that I might use to get home.
Either way, the appraiser from the station the car is currently located at just barely glanced at the vehicle, spending as much time looking at his watch as he did at The Zen Room and eagerly awaiting his shift to end. What he said is now on the paperwork, so the service station has to stick to that. I want a second opinion, and at least the tow will be free.
That's it, really.
For the record, however, the AAA website is a great resource.
* I happen to think that it is not exactly fair that they am charging me storage for The Zen Room during the three-day weekend. There is no way for me to pick up the car during that time, and they are not losing any business because they are closed. This is another reason why I am less than ecstatic with where my car is right now. Both my mother and I think a call to the Better Business Bureau might be in order. I'll pay the bastards off to get back my car, but start the ball rolling with that.